I haven't written much here on RISING EDGE since my time-crunch engine swap and the start of my racing season earlier this year. While I'd like to say that my hiatus has been because I've been busy, the truth runs deeper than that.
Thanks to the efforts of Condor Speed Shop, specifically Carlos transporting my car across the country and Curtis maintaining and upgrading it, I've had very little to do this season besides show up and race. And let me tell you, that is a dream come true—a blessing I don’t take lightly. Of course, this still requires a significant financial and time commitment, and I’m incredibly grateful for the support of my family in making this possible.
Yet, despite all this support, I’ve found myself grappling with a lot of self-doubt during this rookie racing season, to the point of questioning whether I even want to continue. I'm still sorting through those emotions, but today, I want to focus on one in particular, something my friend Matt astutely pointed out:
I have imposter syndrome.
In racing, this manifests as self-doubt in my abilities and skills. I often feel that what I am doing is very unsafe, even though I am naturally inclined to drive well below my limits. Being mid- to back-pack in GLTC has also cast doubt on my skill—I previously considered myself a pretty fast driver, at least in local time trial competitions!
When writing and sharing here at RISING EDGE, I struggle with the idea of giving advice when I know I’m just an average racer on my best days. There are undoubtedly many other voices in this niche—Ross Bentley and Jeff Braun among my favorites—that you should be listening to over me.
But here’s the thing: I have more knowledge about racing and race car development than my results might show. I believe I can help others build better cars and race faster and more intelligently, even if they are already faster and more accomplished than me. And sometimes relatable can be better than aspirational, right?
My goal here is to share what I've learned along the way, not to present myself as an infallible authority. I frequently get things wrong with my car and make driving mistakes, but I hope that doesn't discount me as someone who can help you improve at this hobby.
They say those who can't do, teach. In our sport, maybe it’s more like those who can’t race, coach. Sometimes, it feels like I can’t always execute what I know in my head, but that doesn’t mean sharing my knowledge isn’t helpful—or that I won’t continue having fun trying to become a better racer.
The great thing about the free internet is that you have the choice to read or ignore what I write. If you choose to read it, you can ignore it or put it into practice. You can also call me on it if I'm wrong!
So, I'm going to try to shake off this imposter syndrome and get back to writing and sharing my thoughts more often. Writing has always been cathartic to me, and I think it will help me process so much of what I've experienced in my first year of racing. Stay tuned, and thank you for reading.
